As Strong, Clever and Dexterous as a Mule

Standing in borrowed armour and clutching a battered shield and War-hammer, Marlon gazes blankly down at Pechi, his drill instructor and feels a hurricane of spittle lash upwards into his face.

“Why can’t you learn the simplest of combat tactics? It’s just disarming for Heironeous’ sake!”

Marlon opens his mouth to respond but thinks better of it.

“Didn’t your father ever tell you that the best defence is being the only combatant with a weapon?”

Marlon opens his mouth again and manages to get out a “But…” before being shouted over.

“Frankly, you’re too clumsy to use any finesse skills and too dumb to learn anything remotely clever!”

Sensing the storm unabating, Marlon continues to stare at his armour encased toes.

“You can’t handle two weapons, your defense is terrible and dodging's beyond you. I’ve failed to teach you even the simplest feint or weapon trip!”

Marlon has to give a little ground here. Although he’d tried and tried to learn everything he was shown, he simply couldn’t get his head around it.

“And why a Dwarven War-Hammer? It’s about as subtle as a house-brick!”

Pechi had repeatedly advised him to select a two-handed weapon to take advantage of his giant, muscle bound frame.

But…

During his last adventure, he couldn’t help admiring his sponsor Volkon’s impressive weapon.

Marlon forgets where he is for a moment and smiles as he makes a joke in his head about ‘Volkon’s impressive weapon’.

It’s a mistake.

The short but ferocious Pechi, suddenly stops ranting and a weird calm falls over him.

“Do you think I'm funny? Funny like I'm a jester? Do I amuse you? Do I make you laugh? Well let me tell you; I'm not here to fuckin' teach you comedy!”

And with that, the much smaller man shoves Marlon in the chest while sweeping his legs.

Encumbered arms spinning, Marlon losses his balance and crashes backwards onto the sand.

Before he can even attempt to roll onto his side, his battle-scarred instructor sits down on Marlon’s armoured but still winded chest.

“Look boy… Perhaps I’m going about this all wrong? You’re as big and strong as a mule and you show plenty of willing but, unfortunately, you’ve also been saddled with brains and manual dexterity to match... Perhaps traditional combat methods are not for you?”

Knight School

After finding a place and standing shoulder to shoulder with the other potential ‘students’ in the ‘Moorcock Academy of Combat Excellence’, Marlon risks a glimpse along the line.

Each class contains a dozen wannabes, so…

“Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…”

 Four of them are going to be rejected.

Marlon prays to the mighty Kord that he be one of the chosen twelve.

By borrowing a frightening amount of gold from the Half-elf he’d recently adventured with, he’d managed to raise the costs for a month's training.

Surely enough time to build upon the Warrior skills he already possesses and learn some clever new fighter tricks?

An eye-patch wearing veteran walks down the line taking payment.

“Yes… Yes… Yes…”

Directing each-one in turn to enter the combat testing arena, Marlon realises that the selector is merely accepting by position in line.

Marlon had counted sixteen in all.

Quickly, he turns to look behind him…

Only three!

He’s going to be rejected because he idiotically stood in the wrong place!

His eyes start to well up when he gets a bit of luck.

“No coin, no training!”

The grizzled veteran is practically shoving a despondent looking boy out the front door.

“Please!”, the young man cries.

“I need this! Let me work off my debt!”

His pleading falls on deaf ears however and, a relieved but slightly guilty feeling Marlon, hands over his fees and is ushered in through the right door.

And Relax.....

Nitendae sits with feet up and Cogitari curled contentedly on his lap. The bond between them calm and restful, a marked change from the past few days.
There is a better understanding now in their connection, the beginnings of a true friendship and trust.
Each knows they will risk their life for the other.

Nite' thinks back over the past few hectic days; the strange couple of humans he found himself allied with, the dealings with Lizard folk royalty.
He knows that he would not have survived the experience without the young fiery red headed Volkan or the stoic armour-plated cleric Bastien. Strange associates for the young 1/2 elf but welcome allies.
Their battle prowess and healing magics a definite boon.
Also the young fighter Marlon, the lad was handy to have in a fight, Nite' would see if he wanted to stay around. Even if he didn't Nite' was happy to have paid for his training.

Nite's memory of the days prior to the adventure are still foggy, he still can't remember the original reason for needing to come to Nompariel but feels a desire to stay. There were events happening which Nite' wanted to be part of and opportunities to 'earn'.
He'd sent a message to the local guild and would meet with them later, there was always someone in a guild to learn from and always polite to get permission before 'working'.

Reaching over for pen and paper, Nite' begins to scribble notes for a basic trip alarm, if he was to spend more time away from the comfort of inn he wanted more warning of intruders.

Nite' has no hesitation, pulling up an extra chair and calling for another beer, he reaches into one of his several deep pockets.
"Its not a loan, its what you deserve. Get the training you need and come find us anytime."

Even though Cogitari is back up in his room Nite' feels a contented purr. They both appreciate the earnest young fighter and would like to keep him around.

Mail Coif in hand

Although the adventurers he’d fought beside on ‘Lizard island’, hadn’t spoken to him since they’d made it back to the mainland, Marlon seeks them out.

According to Sereena, they’d earned a great deal of gold from the Duke and would perhaps feel a debt for the help he’d given them when battling against those gigantic crocodiles and crocodile-men.

Finding them together at the Dragon’s head, Marlon shuffles over.

‘Forgive me Sires but I was wondering if I might borrows some coin?’

Nitendea, Bastien and Volken, put down their beers and listen.

Marlon may be stupid but his help back on Squamata kept them all alive.

“I wants to get better combat trained and I only needs two-hundred gold. If you lends it to me, I promise I’ll works off the debt.” 

Marlon and the Nompariel regulars

‘Pelor’s balls, I can’t believe you survived!’

Marlon smiles idiotically, as his old city guard friends greet him incredulously.

He was following Sereena to find employment at a well known 'Gentlemen's club', when coincidentally bumping into them.

With the silent Sereena and her ferret familiar in tow, the group make their way to a nearby drinking establishment.

Captain Lowe puts his chubby arm around Marlon’s thick, bull neck.

‘So, will you be rejoining the guard now that you’ve got that suicidal adventuring idea out of your thick head?’

Marlon’s smile falters and he looks to Sereena for an answer.

“Don’t ask me, you great big dofus. I can’t help myself. My dragon tainted blood draws me toward my own downfall but you? You can put this foolishness behind you and use our near death experience as a story to warn your grandchildren against doing anything as dumb themselves.”

Oddly, the smile fades completely from Marlon’s broad face.

“No. If I’ve leaned anything at all, it’s that I need to be a better fighter. Better at defending myself and… you.”

Sereena smiles for a moment before shaking her head.

“That’s a lovely offer of you Marlon but I already have a pet.”

Marlon looks crestfallen but juts out his bovine jaw.

“If I can find enough coin, I’m going to enroll in the ‘Moorcock combat camp’ anyway.”

Guffaws erupt from his well stewed drinking buddies.

“Har Har! You said ‘cock’!”

Sereena and familiar seek similar

Watching Bastien, Nitendae and Volkon stride off to deliver Queen Therissa's message to Duke Nultze, the beautiful Sereena sighs.

She’d been hoping that they’d ask her to accompany them.

Weird, as she normally has to beat men off with a stick.

She could make a living here but since her sorcerous heritage became apparent, the call of adventure beckons her on.

Or perhaps it's just a lust for gold and gems emanating from her dragon heart?

Straightening her shoulders, Sereena walks towards the ‘Rampant Unicorn’.

At least she won’t starve when she can just dance for her dinner.

Looking over her shoulder at the oversized but lost looking Marlon, she calls out to him.

“Ever considered a career in doorway security?” 

Ultimate reward

Sitting behind his huge and ornate desk, Duke Nultze looks stunned.

He’d ushered all his advisors and staff out of the room as soon as the adventurers started talking. Only the intimidating Count Vunker remains. His mouth a thin line of disdain.

Upon reading the letter and opening the tiny casket with the key contained within the letter’s envelope, Duke Nultze listens intently, stopping you whenever you gloss over a conversation or miss out a detail.

“My God! I never imagined you’d be so successful! Queen Therissa’s demands are outrageous but I’m sure we can reach an understanding.”

Bastien is the first one to remind the Duke about his promise of payment.

“Not only did we deliver the crown and reopen negotiations but we permanently incapacitated King Zorris and eliminated King Gov-El.”

Duke Nultze sucks on his teeth.

“I agreed to reward each of you with a thousand golden coins for delivering the ‘present’ and additional two thousand golden coins for the ‘disposal’  of their evil despot… Fine but don’t imagine I’ll pay for the extra, incidental ‘disposal’.

With a gesture, the Duke sends the Count to order the reward brought up.

“I’m impressed with you three. Very impressed. I may have more work for men of your talents.”

With a dark smile, the Duke waves you away.

In the castle gatehouse, you are greeted by a grim faced Count Vunker and a platoon of his loyal soldiers.

On the ground behind them sit two small, 100lb, wooden, iron bound chests.

The Half-elf Nitendea unconsciously licks his smiling lips as his two human companions grunt as they heft the obviously heavy chests onto their burly shoulders.

Treasure:

Two small chests containing:

4,500gp each (9,000gp!)

That’s 3,000gp each!

The King is Dead, long live the Queen!

The half-elf Nitendae continues to gaze through the ornate, silver framed, circular window. He’s relieved that the creature slunk back into the darkness. Relieved that the opening is too small to squeeze through, as he has little urge to pursue that shadowy face.

He only caught a glimpse of it for a moment but given the arrogance of its sneer, it could only have been one thing.

A Drow!

Nitendae shudders as the others hurry over.

Bastien, Volkon, Sereena and Marlon.

Somehow, this little group have found each other and he has no doubt that, if they’re going to survive, they’re going to have to stick together.

It seems like moments but it must be at least half-an-hour before the guards return and, protected behind them, is the high-Priestess Therissa.

“So, it’s true. One brother driven mad and the other now dead. I should punish you all for these crimes but I realise that you're merely patsies in the political machinations of Duke Nultze and my idiot brothers. You understand though that, despite now being the uncontested ruler of this island nation, I cannot be seen to reward you? Take Gov-El’s ring and armour. I have no use of it. Take also, the first true king’s sword. It seems, for whatever reason, he has bequeathed it to you.”

Queen Therissa stares hard at Volkon.

“You know, something about you reminds me of my great-grandfather.”

Bastien is the first to thank Queen Therissa and attempts to organise a boat ride back to the mainland.

One of the fisherfolk calls over to him.

“We’ll give you a boat but you’ll have to wait until morning, otherwise the sea-monkeys will try to tip you over.”

You are given food and secure lodgings, where you find all your confiscated equipment. 

The next morning, you rise, eat a light breakfast and are escorted to a purloined Nompariel rowboat.

Queen Therissa, accompanied by two burly guards, comes to wave you off.

"Take this sealed letter to Duke Nultze and present him with this small chest of our finest pearls. If he's prepared to negotiate, then perhaps we can forge a new trade deal. One that's best for both our countries."

It’s a bit of a squeeze with the five of you plus cat, dog and ferret but the sea is calm and, with Marlon on one oar and Volkon on the other, they forge steadily closer to the mainland.

While squatting down in the centre of the boat, Nitendea turns the chest over in his hands and and examines its tiny lock...

He squints at it for a while before looking up at the others.

"I could have this open in less than a minute."

Rather than look outraged, his comrades merely shrug. Nitendea places the chest back between his feet though. Why risk the reward they're about to receive?

After about four hours of rowing, they manage to make it back to Nompariel by midday and are greeted by more of the Dukes, surprised looking armed guards.

Treasure:

From Gov-El:

Suit of Full-Plate armour +1 (Light fortification:25%) : Worth: 5,650gp

Greatsword +3 Flaming burst : Worth: 50,350gp

Ring of Water Walking : Worth: 15,000gp

From the stinky crab cave:

Isaack the intelligent Heyward’s handy haversack : Worth: 12,300gp (Plus)

From the dead, cowardly, starved to death flume failure:

Dagger of returning +1 : Worth: 8,302gp

Scroll of Gaseous form : Worth: 375gp

Scroll of Fireball : Worth: 375gp

From Gravlax, leader of the Orc ambushers:

Animated heavy metal shield +1 : Worth: 9,170gp

Greataxe of Throwing +1 : Worth: 8,320gp

Experienced!

You battled Orcs and Lizard-men, overcame evil bridges and endured watery flumes to assassinate a mad King, re-establish trade deals and liberate an oppressed people.

Listed here are all your current experience levels, including the forgotten bonuses for overcoming obstacles, Assif’s 80’s cartoon quiz, the eye-spy forest, method acting bonuses for Nitendae when he guarded his stash instead of ‘gathering information’ and Scott’s superior combat tactics.

Volkon: 10,294

Bastien: 10,044

Nitendae: 10,044

This means (as it was always intended) that all three of your characters are: Level: 5!

As it was the first time out for all of your characters; re-jig away with the additional knowledge of five levels of fun.

That is; if you guys fancy doing this again?

:S

I am the DuMb!

After you all drove away on Sunday night, I made myself a cup of tea and considered why the three of you had so struggled to overcome my (should-have-been-merely-difficult) encounters?

In our conversations from the previous day, I’d already realised my mistake with the ‘challenge ratings’ assuming a party of four.

Mostly though, I couldn’t work out why you hadn’t leveled up during the adventure.

OK, you’d (understandably) ignored the Orc bandits’ treasure and willfully avoided the town encounters but I thought I’d accounted for that.

So, I re-examined the encounters, one at a time.

You’d actually made more experience for your successes due to dividing the experience by three rather than four.

But then I saw my error.

You hadn't found it so hard because your characters were flawed.

Sorry Assif.

Or cowardly.

Sorry David.

In my excitement, I’d simply failed to award you the experience earned through the non-combat encounters.

You should have got a chunk of experience for getting over the ‘Broken bridge/stairway’, more for the ‘Portal’ traps and avoiding its guardian and even more for overcoming… Undercoming? the ‘Water luge’ under the sea!

Ultimately you should all have broken 4^th level by the time you'd nakedly faced the first Lizardmen defenders in that steamy subterranean chamber.

 So rather than feel like I’d ‘Taken pity on you’, please understand that any and all ‘difficulties’ you faced were horribly exacerbated by my swindling you out of a level’s worth of HPs and class abilities.

So sorry!

If it helps in any way, despite the accidental (but serious) handicap I gave you, you won the last encounter against Gov-El and his royal guards entirely due to your clever tactics and cooperation.

You doubly deserved that victory! 

Ouch!

Bastien dusts himself down as the last of the lizardfolk guards depart. Looking at his armour he sees all sorts of dents and scratches that will need to be hammered and buffed out again. Just imagine what damage they could have done if he hadn't been wearing it!

As his minor concussion clears he realises he doesn't need to imagine. He'd experienced their strength and savagery unarmoured first hand only a few days before, and that hadn't gone nearly as well.

He uses the last of his few remaining spells to heal himself and makes moves to join the rest of the group in the ex-king's chamber.

There seems to be a strange hole in the wall and Nitendae is talking to it...

Finished!

Just printed up 66 pages of vague!

No PC and NPC pieces yet.

I may just doodle them as I go...

:S

Volkon

Why did I leave this until the penultimate day?

Nitendae

Rushing now...

Bastien Pinefall

Because Scott just made my life a little easier...