As Strong, Clever and Dexterous as a Mule

Standing in borrowed armour and clutching a battered shield and War-hammer, Marlon gazes blankly down at Pechi, his drill instructor and feels a hurricane of spittle lash upwards into his face.

“Why can’t you learn the simplest of combat tactics? It’s just disarming for Heironeous’ sake!”

Marlon opens his mouth to respond but thinks better of it.

“Didn’t your father ever tell you that the best defence is being the only combatant with a weapon?”

Marlon opens his mouth again and manages to get out a “But…” before being shouted over.

“Frankly, you’re too clumsy to use any finesse skills and too dumb to learn anything remotely clever!”

Sensing the storm unabating, Marlon continues to stare at his armour encased toes.

“You can’t handle two weapons, your defense is terrible and dodging's beyond you. I’ve failed to teach you even the simplest feint or weapon trip!”

Marlon has to give a little ground here. Although he’d tried and tried to learn everything he was shown, he simply couldn’t get his head around it.

“And why a Dwarven War-Hammer? It’s about as subtle as a house-brick!”

Pechi had repeatedly advised him to select a two-handed weapon to take advantage of his giant, muscle bound frame.

But…

During his last adventure, he couldn’t help admiring his sponsor Volkon’s impressive weapon.

Marlon forgets where he is for a moment and smiles as he makes a joke in his head about ‘Volkon’s impressive weapon’.

It’s a mistake.

The short but ferocious Pechi, suddenly stops ranting and a weird calm falls over him.

“Do you think I'm funny? Funny like I'm a jester? Do I amuse you? Do I make you laugh? Well let me tell you; I'm not here to fuckin' teach you comedy!”

And with that, the much smaller man shoves Marlon in the chest while sweeping his legs.

Encumbered arms spinning, Marlon losses his balance and crashes backwards onto the sand.

Before he can even attempt to roll onto his side, his battle-scarred instructor sits down on Marlon’s armoured but still winded chest.

“Look boy… Perhaps I’m going about this all wrong? You’re as big and strong as a mule and you show plenty of willing but, unfortunately, you’ve also been saddled with brains and manual dexterity to match... Perhaps traditional combat methods are not for you?”